Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We are all done wearing pants today
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
