Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i dont even know how to be here
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
