We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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