Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize