Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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