Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize