Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
