im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
