if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
