It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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