He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
