We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
3 2 1 whiskey
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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