Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize