Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
