So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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