how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
