What a fucking waste of an outfit
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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