dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
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