dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
