I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
