I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
