did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
