Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
