Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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