He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
