90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
