So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
