Fuck appropriateness.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
