u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
