Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
