Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
