ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize