we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
