If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
