There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
