Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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