woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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