I'm drive I can fine osifer
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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