He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
