We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
