I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
