I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
