Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
