i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
