Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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