I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
