I think I am morally bankrupt
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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