RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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