A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
