I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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