I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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