Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
