Will you blow on my dice?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
