Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize