I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
