So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
