you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
