I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
