tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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