I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
