Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Someone signed my nipple.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
