Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He shit in the fireplace
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
