he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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