Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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