Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
