dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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